Franklin
D. Roosevelt once said, “There is nothing to fear but fear itself” and I
understand this emotion very well. The
thought of writing a paper or even a cover letter at times can become a
paralyzing experience. I have to overcome
sweaty hands, the sound of my rapid heart beating, roaming thoughts, frequent bathroom
trips and worse mind blocks. It just seems
like my body just wants to rebel against me.
In
high school and first time in college, my experience with writing was trying to
avoid doing it or throwing something together just enough to get by. As I
re-entered college again after many years, I found myself back in the saddle
with reading and writing. This second
time around I had to take writing seriously because it became apparent writing was
not going away. In English 101, I received an “F” as my final grade. I did the
assignments, went to all my classes and did all the readings, but struggled
with all of my papers. At finals, I
bombed the final paper and again, dread hit my stomach. English finals were graded by other teachers in
the department to determine if a student would pass on to English 102. This
meant a student could have all “A’s” on his work assignments, but will receive
a course grade of “F” if he fail the final. It is hard for me to write under pressure.
Writing
can be pressure, if we are afraid of someone mocking and critiquing our work.
Writing is personal, basically, all our thoughts and emotions are written on
paper. So, our inner critique (voice) becomes a shielding mechanism from embarrassments
or old haunting memories which deters us from taking writing risks. Its
protection is accompanied by fear that leads us into a temporary escape. This
was my excuse for not writing. My first
greatest challenge as a writer is to quiet all inner critiques by reading and
stating out loud my future goals. The second is to overcome panic attacks which
is brought on by the mire thought of writing.
I usually create a peacefully atmosphere by listening to music or
reading inspiring quotes. This is enough to get me through at least the first
paragraph.
The
peacefully atmosphere is still not enough for me to be a proficient
writer. I plan to attend graduate school
next year and as Economics as a major, all I do is write. Spelling was never a great asset of mine, so I
am glad for the Webster Dictionary. What
I need help on is eliminating fragmented sentences, transitioning from one
paragraph to the next and developing thesis statements. I believe this English course and writing
practices will help me to make fewer mistakes in these areas. When writing a
paper, I normally will ask a friend to read it and give me feedback. This works
for me because I trust her judgment and her writing abilities.
I
guess even more important, I have to believe in me. I am not a failure at writing
and even the best writers can sometimes struggle.
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